


Turn on the shower, turn off the lights, and then you cry

by PumpkinPieTimb



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sam | Awesamdude Angst, Sam | Awesamdude-Centric, Sam | Awsamdude Needs a Hug, Warden Sam | Awesamdude, mans been through so much shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 18:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30076530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinPieTimb/pseuds/PumpkinPieTimb
Summary: "The Egg isn't an animate object! It can't see things, it doesn't have eyes!""Don't you hear the voices Sam?!"..."Don't talk about the voices..."
Relationships: Hannah | Hannahxxrose & Sam | Awesamdude, Ponk | DropsByPonk/Sam | Awesamdude, Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, only minor though - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 117





	Turn on the shower, turn off the lights, and then you cry

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know man, this is more of a vent fic than anything. I was having a shitty day and decided to reflect heavily on Sam's character. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! :]
> 
> Song that goes with the fic: Antidote by Faith Marie

It was quiet. And Sam was alone. Again. In the prison.

He had just let Tommy out. _Oh god he just let Tommy out_. But Tommy’s supposed to be _dead_. He saw it happen! He could still hear Dream’s insane laughing—

_“Sam don’t leave. Sam, Sam, Sam please please please don’t leave! Sam? SAM!”_

_“You could have done anything to help but you didn’t!”_

Sam shakily brought his hands to his ears, as if it would stop the voices echoing in his mind.

Tommy _was_ dead. But now he isn’t. And he blames Sam for everything that’s happened. Sam does too.

It was his fault. He _knew_ what Tommy went through in exile, Tommy said being trapped with Dream was _worse_ than exile. But he still left him there because he was naïve. He didn’t think Dream would actually do it. There was so much going on, he still didn’t know what happened with the prison he couldn’t risk it— He thought Tommy would be fine, he was too caught on the Eggpire problem…

 _“The_ cheek _of you speaking up right now. This is_ your _fault. All your fault.”_

_“You let me die! You failed your job! You’re not qualified to run this prison.”_

_“Surely there could have been something you were able to do! Things could have been different! …You’re a coward Sam._ ”

_“I’m going with them whether you’re going or not.”_

He knows. It’s all his fault. He should have been a better warden, a better friend. For once in his life he should have foregone the rules and let Tommy out. For once in his life he should have sucked it up and faced his fears. For once in his life he should have sat down and talked with his partner about their issues. But he didn’t. And he paid the price— he’s _still_ paying the price.

The voices are _so loud_ and the guilt was eating him alive.

Sam roughly gripped his hair. It was too much. It was all too much and the voices in his head are getting louder and _louder_ and **_louder_** and he can’t hear his own mind and he hates it when he can’t hear his own mind because that reminds him of so many horrible _things_ —

_“C̷̛̛̘͕̱͐̃̅͐̌̃̄͛͝ͅǫ̶̢̦̟̼̞͍̫̞̣̽̓̀͒͌͝m̷̢̗̞̯̮̣̝̬̆̔̂̓͘͝͝ͅe̴͎̻̊̓̐̓̔̿̎͗͛̈́̕͝ ̵̨̬̫̗̘̝̭̊͒͜͜ͅb̷̤͐̾͋̈́͝ä̶̼̳͓̹͒̄̓̑̇̇͝c̷͈̾̆͂̓͌k̸̡͇͕̬̲̣̫͉͙̬͇̬̥̯̑́̾̕͝ͅ ̵̡̼̫̗͍̖̺̳͍̂̂̓̎̾̀͋̋̃̌́t̸̹͔̳̩̖͓̖͔͋͆́͑͗̊͂͂̈́̃͋͠o̴͓̘̠͖̦͙̤̣͖͐̓̓̽̋͝͝ ̴̦̩̺͈̫̘̙̦͍͙̲̼͇̤͙̈̐̎̾͂̒̂͋̅̀m̶̢̜̯̤̫̺̯̤̳̳̗̻̻͉̏̉̍̆͘͜e̶̡̡͈̼̫̳̮̯̤͉̱͆͑͗̇̐͝͝.̸̼̿̈́̀ ̷̤̙̠̞̘̍̉̃͐́̄͊̒̃͗͛̅̉͠I̸̢̛̭͕͖̯̗͈̻̯̭̟̳̓̋͐͐̃̍̔̃̈́̊̚̚͜͝͠ ̵̘̖̼̼̺̹̤̬̂͒͑̍̀͋̕̕c̷̨̦̠̖̻̘̞̗̪͍̳̹̭̞̑͒̇̈́͑̅̐͆͂̓͐͝ạ̵̉͐̋̌n̴̗̝̭͇͍̦̼͌̊ ̷̛̯̞̬̾͘̕h̸̤͙̩̻̰̳̜̙̘̰̖̮͕̤̬̓̓̽̃͊́̀̅͠͠͠ę̸̢̠̰͔͖̊͂̔̌͒̎̈̍̓͌̌̾̾l̴̼̥̦̈́̽̓͆̎̕p̵̢͎̖̭̠̜͓͖̲̜̖̬̩̮̙̌̚͝ ̸̛͔͕̬̹̺̱͚̠͖̔̈̂̅̏̎͗̎̇͘y̶̞̮̻̥̙͋̐͑͌͘ö̶̢̡̨̧̧̦͈̮̹͙̲̠͚́̈́̈́̈̓̿̇u̶͉̇̑̐.̷̡͓͇̭́͐̀̉̓̍̒͊̓̈́̕”_

Sam’s breath hitched. That—! It reminds him of… of that _thing_ and that voice in his head that _never_ _goes away_ and drowns out his other thoughts because it’s so, so _loud!_

Make it stop! _Stopstopstop!_ He hates it, he hates it, hehatesithehatesithehatesit—

Fran. Fran can make it stop. She can make things better. She always does.

With the thought, Sam rushed out of the prison and hurried to his home. The voices never left his head. They kept screaming at him, they kept haunting him and muddling out his senses because they were so overwhelmingly _loud_.

He got lost a couple of times, but eventually, he managed to stumble back into his home.

Fran was there, tail wagging in excitement. Sam gave her a tired smile. Tired. _He felt so tired_.

_“I̸̖̰̭̲̳̰̟̠̯̻̠̫̜̙̿͂̂̅̊̆̿̇̐̀̆̕ ̵̛̠̪̫̗͍̻͛̃͆͛̔̕͝c̸̹̩͖̙̳̻̺̤͇͍̏̓̏͊̃̍͒̇̽͘̕ȁ̷̜͖̺̣̞̫̼̻͉̇̈̋̒̅̀͜͝͝n̴̨͊͌͌̆͒̐̇ ̶̫͎̮̇̂̓͘͠m̷̞͇͑̃ą̸̟̤̻̘͍̞̙̣̊̓͜ḳ̸͖̎̎̾͗͆̈́͒̾̆̚͝͝ẻ̸̢̙͕̼̗̥̣̘̮̝͎̽̈́͐͛̐̑͛̽̐͝͝ ̸̢̹̘͔̪̳̯̙̗̭̀͆̀̇́̍̏̀̽̋͆͘ȉ̷̢̨̩̙̪͓͕̱͎̼̫̼͑̈́̋͛͘͜t̸̯̫͗̀̋͊̈́̓͗͐͛͠ ̴̧͕̻͚̘̳̹̈́̈̿̉͗̓̌̿͌̽̈́̆͝͠s̷̢̳̲̳͓͖͕͒̓̏̄̌̎̂̉̌̑̚̕͝ṯ̶̼͕͇́̒̃͐̊̂̽̎̈́͆ơ̸̛̬̫̯͖̖͍̻̰͚̮̞̓͐̄͑́͆̿̓p̶̞̪̠̝̎̊̃̋̇̐͑̀͠͝.”_

Sam ignored the voice, like how he always does, and approached his eager dog. He hugged her tight as she licked his face.

_“K̵͙̥̖̼̦̪͑̅î̶͔͊̾̂̂̽̌̿͝ľ̴̨̢͕͇̫͚̟̭̭͕̙͍̤͕̱̃l̷̘̩̳̳̤̫̓̇͛̅̽͆̉ͅ ̷̦͖̙̬͎̬͕̳̤̥̻̠̺̲̱̈̿͌̌̀̽̐̊̔̀̒h̶͖̱̖̖͇̳̻̱̠͆͠e̷̢̅̄͋̎̋̈̈́̐̈́͊̿͠r̵͓͚̎̈̋̑̔̊̏̓͊̈́̄̏̃.̷͍̝̜̟̋͑̾͆͐́́̑̕”_

Sam frowned. No. He’s not going to harm Fran. He’s already hurt so many people.

_“K̷̪̫̦͇̭̦͖̪̦̳̬̪̮̑͌i̵͔͑̅́̿̂̍̎͒̇̍̚͝l̵̛̖̦̥̩̘͛̈́̏̌̔͋̕͘͜l̴̨̢̡̡̛͔̠̹͎̺̲̈́͋͒͘͜͜ͅ ̷̧̧̢͇̟͚̺͇̭̱̜̙͈͊̂̀͛͆̈́̄̀̓̏̕̚ͅh̸͙͙̮͉͕͊͌̋̎̈́̒̇͐͠ę̶̠̯̟̯̟͈̦̯̿̊̒̓͊̉̈́͆̒̈̏̔͜͠ͅr̴̦̗̳͍̊̍̓̽͗́.̵̗̓̉̓͆̍̊̕͠ ̷̢̧̠̪͎̬̬͕̘͓̹̠̭̼̂̑̌̄͋̿̈́ͅȊ̶̢̝̜͔̹͔̣̟ ̵̨̞̟̹͓̼͔̝͌́̈́͊̊̊͊̃͌̕͝͝k̵̪͔̫̘̰͓͓͚͔͚͎͊͒̌͊̿͌̆̒͜ṋ̶̨̛͖̔́̃̿̿̏̏̐̓̂̕ǫ̸̡̦͔̰̟̩͔̠̩̪̼̗͖̑̑̿͆͝w̷̨̢̧̲̪̩͔̺̹͓̰̥̞̾̅͝ͅ ̶̢̛͈̝̥͙͔̥͖̺͓͇̝͖̗̅̊̉͗̒̆́̅̐̏͗̑͝͝ÿ̷̢̩̘͈͚̳͕͕͎̗́̽̌̐͂͋̕͜o̵̧̤̜̫͎͉̲̹̺̭̯͍̾̉̈́̈́̾̈̐̄̃̏͒̇̌̇̐ų̷̨̡̻̤͎̺̩̫̻̯̼̙̭̕ ̶̹̩̙̥̝͕̦̳̒͂̓͜͠ͅẅ̴̨͔̥̰́̓̄̋͗͑a̶̡̢͈͍̳̩͕̣͉͖͇̩̞͛̒̂͗ṅ̷̫͓͕̻͕̭͚̬̠͇̫̼̮̔̋͘t̵̩͍̘̎̾̿͌̈̊͑̈́̕ ̵̥̠̦̳͊̀͗͂̔̒̕t̷͎̪̞̾͌̓̓͗̾ö̷͈́͂̇̄̂̾͐̔̈́͊͝.”_

No. The Egg knows nothing about him. He’s fine. He’s going to be fine. He’s not going to hurt Fran. He loves Fran and he cares about her more than anything in this damned server.

_But you hurt everyone you care for._

Sam flinched. That wasn’t the Egg. That was _himself_.

Fran stopped licking him and pulled away with an innocent tilt of her head.

_“Î̸̡̫̮̤̘͎̼͚̹̺̑̌̾̓̚͠t̶̢͚̹̖͎̹̟͌͑̄̏͑͝͝’̶̧̮͇̥̰̯̦̟̞̪̝̹͐͆̌̽ş̴̧̛̪̭̦̬̪̦͇̘̣̮͙̅͛̒͌́̍̚͜͝͠͠͠͝ ̴̭͇͚̪̱̯͉̪͕̞̤̮͍͆͑͑͗̄́͋̾̌t̵̢̛͚̥̱̣̰̠̩͕̟̮̰̍͛͐̋̍̾͝i̴̧̢̧̙̖̱͓̝̠͔̞̯͈͆̏̈̌͠m̸͖̪̓͊ȩ̸̢͍͓̩͖̳͕̲͖̥̲̒͆͆̄̐ͅ ̷̨̡͖͇͓̦̜̣̬̖͍̞͎͑͐̋͜͜͝y̸̢̨̼̭̖̠͕̫̮̖̣͊̎̂ơ̴̮̖̬̼̙̌͂̅̑̔͂̓̊͊ũ̸̧̢̲͖̥̩̫͚͚̺̠ ̶͇̥̻̝͈͚͖̝̗͔̩̐̿̑͂̃͊͒̒͘̚͜͝g̷̨̉͜ì̷̲͍̘̞̭̇͠v̶̨̧̫͎̪̖̫͕̤̭̩͍͖̲̼͂͒̉̔͗̈́̅̏̕ḙ̵̼̝͔̫̳̑̈̃͑̄̇̈́ ̸̢̫̜͍͓͚̣̟̐͋y̶͉̍̂̓̾͊o̸̧̺͚̜̞̩͈̾͂ǘ̴͉̹̞̟̯͇͈̪̳̳͓͙̻̲͆͐̉͆̊̈͋̎̚r̸̢̨̬͇̱̤̣̗̜͒̽̔͌̏̂̄̎̕ ̵̧̼̞̻̙̹̥̟̤̒̄̆̇d̵̨̨͔͙͙̙̥͇͇̥̻̪̭̜̀͋̀̇̉̎̐͆͋̆̾̌͜͠ȍ̸̮̥̭̹̜͉͇̝̟̏̐̏̂̓̆̄͗̕͝ͅg̴̱̱͗̈́̇͂̓̈́̈́͆̈͊͋͘̕͠ ̸͓͚͍̏̔͆̌͝t̸̡̰̘̏́͒̔̃̆͛̐̑̔͂̕õ̵̖̼̘̻̦̃ ̶̼̖͕̼͈́͠m̷̧̥̱̟͗͘e̵̳͕̗̐̽̾̓͠.̶͚̜̰̳̜̼̆͒”_

Sam’s hand subconsciously reached for his sword. He paused, a horrified expression dawning his face.

Fran leaned in to lick him again, but this time Sam stumbled backwards. She stepped towards him, making him step back in horror. He just tried to—

Sam turned away and ran to the nearsent room he could lock himself in. Away from Fran. He can’t hurt Fran. She’s the only one he’s got left.

Fortunately, he ended up in the bathroom.

He shut the lights and stood under the shower head. He turned it on and sighed shakily when the cold water hit the surface of his head. It was dark and quiet. The sound of water hitting the cold tile floor replaced the screaming voices in his head.

He could faintly hear Fran whining behind the door, scratching at its surface in distress.

A sob escaped his lips. He’s such a failure.

_“Sam, you may act bitchy and overly strict whenever you’re in the prison and being the big scary warden or whatever, but you’re a nice guy. I trust you Sam.”_

_“Okay, let’s take down these vines. I trust you. I trust you Sam. I trust you…”_

_“Sammy you know I trust you, right? I know you won’t do anything to break my heart.”_

_“He trusted you Sam!”_

_“Sam, I trusted you!”_

_“Lies, lies, lies. Stop making excuses you asshole.”_

Sam punched the bathroom wall with an angry scream. They _trusted_ him. And he failed them. He failed them all because he was scared.

Ranboo’s voice echoed in his mind.

_Coward._

He’s a coward. He’s too scared to face his fears. He’s too scared to face his friends who have descended into corruption and madness.

_“You can still join us Sam. It’s not too late yet.”_

_“I burnt the invitations, I sent Ghostbur away, I made him think he was alone. Doesn’t that sound fun, Sam?”_

Sam hiccupped as he fell down to his knees, too tired to keep standing.

He curled up into a ball, fully clothed and drenched in cold water. The sound of water doing nothing but hide his tears.

He cried. Like he always does behind everyone’s backs. He keeps trying to save everyone from everything, but immediately cowers into this pathetic ball of cowardice once his fears are presented to him. And now he has no one. Because he was a coward.

It’s all his fault.

_“Ì̵̠̿̿̂̾̂̐̔̓͜ͅ ̴͓̳̱̝̰͇̥̺̗̮̱̭̌̒̐̈̽͛̆̂̽̎͘͝͠c̷̨̛͎̆ą̸̮͈̲̺̠̒̉̃̄͗͘͝n̴̼̩̾͋̏̇ ̸̪̥͚̈̊͆̆̈́͒́̃̍̑̽̕͜͝h̵̹͈̺͚̤̫͈̹̮̱͉̃̎̄̑͒͆̽́͛͝͝ë̸̛̛̗͈̲̣͖͖́͋̌͌̑̂̚͘͝l̴̢͈͙͎͓̤͕̥͍̐̄̏̊̇͛̇͂̿̈̀̕͜͝ͅp̴̛͇̞̤͈͕͍̘͒͋ͅ ̶̡̨͇̺̠̮̠̘̱̯̻̞̮͎̋̏͌̊́̃̚͝ͅy̵̼̘̘̙͚͓̫̬͔͔̭̥̌͆̌̕ͅo̸̡̢̫̱̖͔̻̤̯̭͕͒͗̄̾̏̈́͑̿͘͘ͅư̷̢̧̹͍̭̯̿͒̍̇̓̉̃̅̎͆̏̕͜͠ͅ.̸̧̝̮̟̤̮̺̝̥͍͒͐͆̉̏̄̀̒̽̾͒͑̐͝ ̸̢͍̖̫͇̙̮͌̃̆L̵̨͎̜̰̠͒͋͝ͅę̵͓̫͖͂̔̇̏̽̉͂̋̄͂̈́̕̕t̴̨̨̛̼̰̻͇̘͍͈̟͑̓̓͛̅̈́̉̈́͂̾͑͊̏͘ ̷̛̛̰̳͗̽̑̌̍̓͗m̸̗̙͙̮̱̰͐́̾̽̈̂̽͛͌͠ę̵͖̥̻̻͈̪͕̳͂̊̍͑̾̃ ̷̦̱̩͓͙͖̻̹͙͕̣͕̘̲̅͆̊͌h̶̛͔̹̹̮͓͕̯̠̮͍̲͆͋͋̃̈́͐̌͗͊̍̑̒̚͝ͅe̸̬̓̓̈͑̄̿͐̀͌͛̅̑̇͜͝l̴̡̼̼̑̋́̊̌́̓̓p̸̺͎͎͕͔͓͍̭̱̩̠̙̄͌͑̓͜ ̴̢̛̣̲̦̲͈̹̗͇͎͈̠̫̊͋̾̃̔͘ͅy̵̨̛̟̓͐͐̅͊̈́͒̆͗̿͐͘̚o̶̲͚̰̖̼̙̙͕̙͗͗͛̈́͂͒̓̓̄̈́̃͘͠͠ͅͅŭ̷̢̧̬͚͕̱͚͈̠͙̹̹̒͆̌͛͆̌́̓̀̌̄.̵̢̛͈͙̞̳̰̻̱̹͍̋̔̅̀̽̓͐̕̕͜͠ͅ ̴̧̬̉͋̋͗̇́̄̕̚͝͝”_

Sam shivered at the familiar voice. But for the first time ever since he was trapped with the Egg, he didn’t ignore it.


End file.
